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3 Simple Ways To Break Down Psychological and Emotional Walls

walls you build yourselfEvery moment of our life leaves a mark and has a certain effect on every one of us. Every action we do happens because of our past experiences that have shaped our beliefs, our values. They are great but can be very limiting as well. Being flexible in life can bring a lot more satisfaction and happiness. Let me give you an example.

My mom is an amazingly smart, strong and very independent woman. And I kinda grew up knowing that I’m strong too and I don’t need anyone’s help. When I was in school and needed to ask for mom’s help, she would always say you have a head on your shoulders, you are smart enough, you will figure it out. So I would end up spending so much time trying to figure out things, no matter how big or small they were. And I would never ask for help as for me that was a sign of weakness. And I’m not weak. But having that outlook on life can really haunt you down the road.

I accepted a belief that if someone is offering their help, they must be thinking that I’m not strong and confident in my abilities. Which was totally not true. Took me a bit of time to finally figure out where that belief came from but when I did I was just laughing.

That belief was valid in that time of my life (as my mom wanted me to be creative, dig in, figure out stuff on my own) but I chose to carry it with me everywhere when it was just meant to stay in school 🙂

We all do this, consciously or unconsciously. They are not good or bad, they are necessary and valid at certain time of our life, but once in a while we need to take a moment and make sure that those beliefs are still current today.

If we don’t do that, those beliefs will build psychological and emotional walls that will be preventing you from moving forward and can even steer you in the wrong direction.

So how do we deal with it? Is there a way to get rid of what is no longer valuable?

Here are 3 steps that will help you leave behind what no longer serves you and put you on the path you were meant to be on.

1. You are creator of your own happiness.

You always have a choice! What makes you happy? Is it a walk on the beach? Spending time with friends? Reading a great book? What’s stopping you from doing these little things that bring you so much joy? Is it lack of time? There’s no such thing! We all got to work with 24 hours in a day and somehow some are quite happy with them. Why not you? Why not now? Start doing something every single day that makes you happy!

2. There’s no other YOU out there.

We are creatures of comparison and it’s very hard not to compare. Our culture and society is build all around it. But you need to understand that what other people say about you is their opinion based on their own life experiences. It has nothing to do with you. They don’t walk in your shoes, they don’t know your story, they have no idea what you truly desire.

Life is not a competition but a journey. Your journey. So just smile back to the people that are trying to bring negativity into your life, maybe even give them a hug,… and simply walk away.

3. You can never fail!

Yes, you read it right! I did an interview with Michael Bernoff last year which you can see it here, and he changed my whole view of failures with just one sentence:

“There’s no such thing as failure, there’s only feedback”

If you make a mistake, get over it. Learn from it. Move on. Isn’t that what you would tell your friends? Then why not try it yourself?

At the end of it all, just remember happiness is a choice, not a result. Nothing will make you happy until you choose to be happy.


About Oksana Ostrovsky

Oksana Ostrovsky is a founder of LoveSense and an author of "Find Love By Finding Yourself" book. Over the past five years, Oksana has had the privilege of helping hundreds of singles and couples open themselves up to experience of more love, joy and fulfillment in their lives. She is a life-long student of human psychology, relationship dynamics, feng shui and other modalities of health and healing.